TMN Eurovision Awards...

31 May 2010

by TMN Opinion

The glorious taffeta-fest that is the Eurovision Song Contest went off without a hitch last night - well, almost. Serial gatecrasher Jimmy Jump joined Spain on stage after slipping backstage, invading the pitch and busting some dance moves before jumping off stage to awaiting security guards.

Besides Jimmy, Eurovision 2010 was everything you'd expect from a Rock Eisteddfod-style contest, with countries like Belarus, Azerbaijan and Bosnia and Herzegovinacompeting for Euro glory and some cred at the next UN conference.

There was amazing makeup, crazy costumes and huge hair, not to mention some questionable songs. Lena from Germany, however, was not questionable - she won on the night with a genuinely good song called Satellite. It has to be the first time we've seen the best song actually win.

But they were all winners according to us... Which is why we've created our own awards:

Best Hair and Most 'Euro' Performance
This year's double whammy goes to Milan Stanković from Serbia for his amazing performance of Ovo je Balkan. His fringe mesmerised a continent. Plus, he also looks like Sia.

Best Rhyming Lyrics
Armenia was a clear winner here for rhyming 'child' and 'violent'. They also get the award forBest Stage Design with a huge foam apricot seed on a stick.

Closest Entry to Aqua
Also taking out our coveted Best Use of a '90s Sax Solo Award, Moldova scored the award for best Aqua look-alike. We were expecting them to break into Barbie Girl any second.

Best Eurovision Moment
This is what Eurovision is all about: fireworks, different cultures uniting and a fist pump followed by an epic key change and walk up the gangway through the audience. Brilliant stuff from Denmark.

Best Upholding of Own Country Sterotype
Greece for a song called OPA! and some of the extras from Wog Boy 2 as backup dancers.

Most Pelvic Thrusts Per Minute
France, somewhat predictably, took out the choreography award this year. Those thrusts just kept on coming...

Wooden Spoon
The UK were dismally awarded the Wooden Spoon this year, after a trailing Belarus received an unexpected 12 points from Georgia.